True Will - Living Thelema

Really good exposition of the True Will.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPyIMW2whN4&feature=BFa&list=PL5AF2D76A111E402C

Cool Music Videos

Powerful evidences of the Crowned and Conquering Child expressed in music like this. That resonance may even save the song from being too dated.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqZNMvIEHhs

Aerials reminds me of Hoor-pa-kraat. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=L-iepu3EtyE

Outer College

I'm coming to the conclusion that the introductory curriculum for an aspirant of the A.'.A.'. is boring and dry by design. Only those with the greatest mental concentration will be able to actually read this stuff, eliminating the dabblers.

http://www.outercol.org/pdf/eleusis.pdf

Writing, Magick, Notes and Stuff

I keep meaning to write more here, but I'm fucking lazy about casual writing. 

Here is the trick. 

I'm no longer focused on painting, but on writing. I have stories to tell, all rich in metaphors, magick and the New Aeon symbolism. The problem is I'm not so good at writing, well... at least not naturally gifted. One of my many recent insights is that if I learn classical composition - writing a concise thought from beginning middle and end - even if academic, is still good training for story telling. Many of the popular novels lack some of the basic craft of writing, much like Post-Modern Art lacks finesse. So I'll make an effort to just write more often. At least here I'm not feeling pressured to craft "my grand vision" and inevitably write like crap, despite my best intentions. 

I've been meaning to write about this switch in artistic discipline, but I must postpone it yet again. It's a lot to go into for this moment. Instead I'm going to record a note I wrote today in contemplation of my chosen path in life:

I'd never asked for this scholarly life. Confrontation with the corrupting power of obsolete religions shaped the person I am today. Life gave me a problem and I've set out to solve it. I wasn't curious otherwise. It's amazing how we've come to think of fate and free will as distinct opposing forces. They're not, I an assure you. I've been dealt these cards and I'm playing my best game. I asked for these mysteries and they were given to me.

In other words: I didn't choose the thug life, and according to Lisa who chuckled at this, neither did the the thug life chose me. That's good for all, I guess. Seriously though. I'm pretty sure my TrueWill involves something incredibly boring to most people. Boring except for Lisa sticking her boobs on my head as I write this.

I've read J. Daniel Gunther's Initiation in the Aeon of the Child. Learned much. I've started studying the entry level texts for the A.:.A.:. and seriously undertaking Asana. It feels like hanging on the cross the Gnostic Jesus/Dionysus. Goddess help me!

Logos - Ace and Princess of Swords.

Long time since an update eh?

One thing at a time, I suppose.

First, this very moment.

After reading a preview for James Wasserman's publication of the Egyptian Book of the Dead on Amazon, I was in contemplation. I don't know exactly how I arrived at it, but I envisioned a sword - The Sword. I held Logos outwards projecting my will to wield the Mind of God for Supernal Truth and Justice. For a brief moment it occurred to me the magnitude of my presumptuousness. If I ever incorporated such a strong emotional projection of the Will into a spell, I would preface it with inflaming prayers of humility. I would have to invoke the Most High as if preparing for an exorcism.

I wish nothing more than to know the Mind of God and act upon it, therein must lie my True Will. Everyday I become more conscious of my oath to understand the whole of the Universe and use such understanding to shower blessings upon the Earth. The constant presence of this ideal had me looking at the Book of the Dead with actual eagerness to master myself in death and become a ruling force among gods. This, of course, with the right view of the life-death cycle. In that moment of inspiration I drew a card from the Thoth deck, the Princess of Swords. My first intuition told me about my dusty brain making a mess of things, then I read what Crowley and Duquette had to say about it. This is the result.

For the mind to become The Logos (Ace of Swords) - the perfect instrument of truth and justice - you must first defeat it in combat (Princess of Swords.) Only by transcending the human mind can a mortal wield the Mind of God.

I keep sharpening my mind by studying solid scientific theories about our universe, the very edge of theoretical physics. I believe that any atheist who looks hard enough into that vast frontier will find that elusive and impersonal "God" that is too big for mainstream religions. Even so I'm still operating within the mind's constraints, this tells me that the most profound illumination will come from overcoming my mind's own limitations. I guess that means hard work - meditation, scrying and such. I think it's this task represents the higher end of the Order of The Rose Cross, almost beyond the HGA. Only when I reach that level will I wield this Excalibur with any real competence.

I had to write this to get it out of my system without exploding at my friend Chris, who wouldn't even understand half of it. Chris if you read this, take it for what it is. I didn't actually send this to you - yet, but it's how I feel 
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 Chris,

 You know I'm your friend and I'm honest. I usually say what's in my mind and heart, yet lately I've been biting my tongue, hoping you'll sort your problems out before I need to say anything at all. First let me clarify and say that I'm not angry with you. What I really am is tired of your anti-social behavior. I've been putting out your fires for months now in our gaming group and it's really straining me. You don't play well with Ian or Shelby, and now it seems you're adding Lisa to the list. The fact is that you don't play well with anybody. Everyone unanimously agrees that you're an excellent role-player who suffers from some shitty personality disorder. You're prone to some pretty awkward tantrums and situations making everyone else feel uncomfortable. Maybe you just don't care for my DM style, or maybe you're tired and Leah is pissing you off. Either way there's always some way for me to excuse your words and actions and I shouldn't have to do that for someone who doesn't seem to give a shit. I can't make you like or respect any other player, but I can make you aware of how people really feel about your conduct, giving you the opportunity for self-realization. I also hate this kind of veiled resentment, between you and my close friends. I don't want a potentially fun game close to my heart to become a chore thanks to your irrationality.

 I know this is hard for you to understand because you can't fathom anyone’s perspective other than your own. You resort to phrases like “I'm just a fuck up” without any empathy for the effect you actually have on people – It's still all about you. In fact, you might just think “everyone hates me” and not even bother to understand yourself better. Maybe this is very hard for you to take because everyone is used to walking in eggshells around you.

 I'm telling you this because I'd rather lay the cards on the table so everyone knows what's what. Life is too short for this kind of bullshit. You've been pushing your closest friends away because you don't think you deserve them. You showed up at the house, apologized to me and Irv who weren't even involved and didn't bother to call Lisa (even after I suggested it) Let me settle this strange psycho-self-sabotage for you. Douche-bag Chris doesn't deserve friends, so don't be a douche-bag and you'll be alright.

10 pm thoughts on writing.

I sit here petting smoky - a creature of lesser intellect, but far greater charm - while fighting to delay my sleep by an hour or so. This early bird schedule is nothing short of miraculous for my creative output, but not much it isn't much fun after 10 pm. I guess writing has sneaked it's way into my life faster than I could set up an easel and palette. I thought occurred to me, something I suspect is close to the truth of all art. The artist must be ready to adapt. The magician must be ready to perform any task his angel demands as an expressive outlet. The Source is much greater than any one single discipline, flowing outwards to the path of easiest translation to the world. This could branch into writing, visual arts, music anything. Each fulfill a role in the greater context of an artist's life. Right now, I must write, the Source compels me.