Here is the trick.
I'm no longer focused on painting, but on writing. I have stories to tell, all rich in metaphors, magick and the New Aeon symbolism. The problem is I'm not so good at writing, well... at least not naturally gifted. One of my many recent insights is that if I learn classical composition - writing a concise thought from beginning middle and end - even if academic, is still good training for story telling. Many of the popular novels lack some of the basic craft of writing, much like Post-Modern Art lacks finesse. So I'll make an effort to just write more often. At least here I'm not feeling pressured to craft "my grand vision" and inevitably write like crap, despite my best intentions.
I've been meaning to write about this switch in artistic discipline, but I must postpone it yet again. It's a lot to go into for this moment. Instead I'm going to record a note I wrote today in contemplation of my chosen path in life:
I'd never asked for this scholarly life. Confrontation with the corrupting power of obsolete religions shaped the person I am today. Life gave me a problem and I've set out to solve it. I wasn't curious otherwise. It's amazing how we've come to think of fate and free will as distinct opposing forces. They're not, I an assure you. I've been dealt these cards and I'm playing my best game. I asked for these mysteries and they were given to me.
In other words: I didn't choose the thug life, and according to Lisa who chuckled at this, neither did the the thug life chose me. That's good for all, I guess. Seriously though. I'm pretty sure my TrueWill involves something incredibly boring to most people. Boring except for Lisa sticking her boobs on my head as I write this.
I've read J. Daniel Gunther's Initiation in the Aeon of the Child. Learned much. I've started studying the entry level texts for the A.:.A.:. and seriously undertaking Asana. It feels like hanging on the cross the Gnostic Jesus/Dionysus. Goddess help me!
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