Asserting my Artistic Career.

Today I got the result for the 2011-2012 emerging artists to be exhibited at the Monmouth Museum.

http://www.monmouthmuseum.org/emerging.html

Despite weeks of preparation to meet the entry criteria my work was rejected. There are several reasons for this, most of which I had already foreseen through divination. So it wasn't exactly a surprise, what DID surprise me is that instead of apathy, I have this fiery anger building within me.
Since the pains of submitting within the deadline I haven't given it much thought since yesterday. Today, rather than running to see the results, I slept with Lisa in the morning till 11ish, had breakfast then checked out the website. Upon seeing that it hadn't been updated yet Lisa looked over my shoulder and said she had checked twice before with no luck-she was even more curious than me. Later in the evening I'm chatting with Chris and he finds the 2011-2012 results before I do, by virtue of refreshing the page. He expressed his sorrow at the news and I shrugged it off, as I expected I would.

Alright, thats settles it. At least i can move on now. We had pulled a card for this early on, and it didn't look good for me. My work is "scary" to them.
Keep your eyes on these artists and you'll probably see a conformist streak in them -Right hand path.

The exchange speaks for itself.

Chris: i am very sorry

Luiz: http://local-artists.org/user/11666
Its no prob
Abstraction is rather safe now adays too

Chris: that comes across as a bit crowd pleasing but it really looks like something done fresh out of high school

Luiz: Lisa found this http://sica.org/INVOLVEMENT/Contacting.html

Hey If you hear of any local venue to get my work seen let me know. The only condition is that it should be indoors because of the paintings are large.

Chris: i will keep my eyes open

Luiz: http://carlosfrias.com/painting.html

Chris: do you believe there's a bias towards abstract art?
somehow that abstract art is still thought of as being something new and innovative and therefore should be expected of youth?
or new artists?

Luiz: I honestly don't know for sure in a provincial county like Monmouth.
Its hard to say

Chris: hm

Luiz: Abstraction and tame realism is easier to digest than narrative figurative paintings.

Chris: indeed

Luiz: This workshop on Sunday is rather timely for me

Chris: you mean the SICA?

Luiz: SICA?

Chris: Shore Institute of Contemporary Art
the link Lisa gave you

Luiz: Goetia with Lon Milo Duquette in Manhattan

Chris: OH
i had forgotten

Luiz: I've been planning to use that method for years now, but only recently I've been balanced enough to do it right.
Now I can step up my efforts using magick to augment my physical search.
bbl

Chris: k

Luiz: Back, i had to go out and get something

Chris: that's alright

Luiz: I was telling Lisa. I expected that I'd be a little more indifferent (even relieved) but instead I'm angry. And thats a good thing.

Chris: how so?

Luiz: I think I should write about it
I'll keep you posted

Chris: kk

So here I am, evaluating it for myself and putting it down as best I can.

My anger is twofold, microcosmic and macro-cosmic.

First, though I understand that this had to be just so, I am furious at the monumental waste of my time and energy when I could've had another painting finished. Life is short and art-making is shorter, efforts at self promotion willed at the wrong venue does a disservice to humanity, thus it is against my True Will - A painting's natural Will is to be seen. Furthermore, I'm outraged at having been required to put a price-tag on my work upfront for the submission, unless I'm already being represented by them, its none of their fucking business how my work translates to hard cash! The inclusion of my work is then, already tainted by monetary value, impartiality goes out the window when confronted with an easier sell. I can appreciate a free business model in professional galleries, but not when it comes to a hole in the wall of a provincial, self-proclaimed county museum.

On a macro-cosmic level, my wrath goes out to humanity's collective inertia and conformism. As I shall state in a future essay, the cultural establishment of society will pay lip service to the idea of "avant-gard" using it a marketing catch phrase. The establishment will strip any power the art might have had by appropriation and assimilation into the mainstream. Any art which follows the "left hand" path going against the grain of popular culture. This kind of art comes from men and women who see the strings coming from the puppeteer's hands, peer behind the veil seeing the great Wizard of Oz for what it is, a quack. It confronts us with symbolism that breaks the banality of ordinary existence, violently crushing our collective ego. Naturally this is much harder to digest and assimilate, thus it is often excluded, resisted, ignored. I must admit, perhaps I belong to this category, so I'm no safe sell. But my long-term historical relevance will be hard to dispute, along with many other currently underrated artists.

This anger is a good thing. Why, you ask? Because it moves me to action, I love a challenge, In fact I'd be highly suspicious of an "easy win." That's how I know this is meant to happen, perhaps even negating my aforementioned "waste of my fucking time" I love games, I love outwitting other players, I love winning - not just a win, but crushing my competition. Yeah, Lisa is right I'm a sore winner after all.

I have no resentment against any artist, hate the game, not the player, as they say. Artists of all walks of life work hard for what they get, so I'm happy for the ones that were picked. Still, there is room for all of us. My anger is thus directed against hidden subconscious forces without and within currently working against my Will. So I am bottling this anger, harnessing it as fuel for the next step in this operation - asserting my career upon the physical world. This will surely be a more esoteric topic for another post.