Notebook from 2000

My cousin Tati is visiting this weekend. So I went digging up some old family pictures to show her then. I came across an old notebook from 1999-2000 that shows how fucked up I was in the head. There was a lot going on. I was working that factory job, the religiously induced guilt upon my conscience over my flaring sex drive, and my crush over a local girl dangerously too young for me at the time. Its outright embarrassing to read some of it, but I suppose I shouldn't destroy it, it does tell a very important story about a fucked up part of my life.

Lisa cautioned me about reading it, but I have to face it, and in her own words, 'come to terms with my past self.' This is also a powerful emotional evidence to my family of how unhealthy their religion is to some people. If I had continued in that way I would've been dead by now. I did try it once.

I can't help but to notice some similarities between those notes and the ones that testify to Crowley's struggles between 'God and Satan' in his early life. I maintain, that I can potentially be Painting's answer to Literature's Crowley, though I aim at being better at my craft than he was at his.