To Lisa on Nuit.

Babycakes,

There is no one on Earth, my love, that understands me better than you. Yet, it'd be stupid of me to expect that you understand 100% everything that goes on in my mind and soul. When you react, sometimes overreact to a perceived limit in my understanding of the Universe based on my past doctrines, I get irritated and overreact myself. Its just that I felt you were so far off the mark from how I really feel, and how I was trying to express it, that it makes me overreact aggressively. Its because I really wish you to understand me 100%.

Let me explain how I feel.

I like to make connections to everything, only as we both know, Everything is much bigger than letters, categories, anthropology, art history. All those classifications are lies, but convenient lies, that come close to defining the real truth that is beyond definition. The Deity names used by the Thelemite is a neat little set of definitions appropriate to the limits of our intellect, but ultimately a lie. Even the Book of the Law, which Crowley insisted as pure truth despite his understanding of our existence of duality, is ultimately a lie, just like the Bible. Its a newer lie and a more “enlightened” lie, closer to the truth, but still not Universal Truth, because it exists in our language. The Curse of Thoth does not exempt Aleister Crowley's inspired word. Its at the very best, a reflection of truth, which by definition, is a lie too.

When making correlations, and connecting things, its much easier to use the name Nuit, than to use the name Dark Energy attracting the farthest corners of the visible Universe into infinite expansion while increasing by infinite speed, the farther it gets from us into infinity. Each and every one of us, the center of us is her counterpart, Hadit, the center of the Universe, for whether you stand on earth, or in the Andromeda Galaxy, all other points in space are moving away from you proportionally so as to define you as its center. Without the force of what we've conveniently named Nuit pulling infinite galaxies away from us, the whole thing would collapse into itself under the collective gravitational mass, all merging into One infinitely dense, infinitely small point again. Yet, “she” is 'in us and above us', not separately pulling from some great outside, this is Dark Matter, the fabric of Space, infinitely expanding, sustaining galaxies, such as the Milky Way, from collapse into their centers.

The forces as concepts are universal, the names may change for Aeons, but they serve to simplify complex concepts into human/god terms. This is not the imaginary demiurge deity of the Bible, obsessed with what hole I stick it in, whom I started to transcend before I even met you. These are Gods/Forces by which I'm scientifically proven to be sustained by. Big difference!

You could pick any name to define the same Great Goddess and her many smaller aspects, Ain Soph Aur, Binah, Nuit, Isis, Mary, Athena, Venus, Babalon, Cooking Mama, Big Ol' Bertha, Bridget the Midget, anything! All these names are only names, meaningless in themselves until we give them meaning. The same could almost be said of a painting, sculpture, and music, once they're separated by time, from their author., though they obviously carry more original meaning, than a single name.

I really understand your concern at how I use the specific names, and how personally I interpret everything. I know that my interpretations are far from universal. They're my own, you don't have to agree, or even like them, but we being a loving couple, should be free to express them to one another. That said, the figure in Tintoretto's painting really was Nuit, or Space, the fertile water/soil/milk to the existence of her children, the stars. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! <3

Your love, Luiz.

Notebook from 2000

My cousin Tati is visiting this weekend. So I went digging up some old family pictures to show her then. I came across an old notebook from 1999-2000 that shows how fucked up I was in the head. There was a lot going on. I was working that factory job, the religiously induced guilt upon my conscience over my flaring sex drive, and my crush over a local girl dangerously too young for me at the time. Its outright embarrassing to read some of it, but I suppose I shouldn't destroy it, it does tell a very important story about a fucked up part of my life.

Lisa cautioned me about reading it, but I have to face it, and in her own words, 'come to terms with my past self.' This is also a powerful emotional evidence to my family of how unhealthy their religion is to some people. If I had continued in that way I would've been dead by now. I did try it once.

I can't help but to notice some similarities between those notes and the ones that testify to Crowley's struggles between 'God and Satan' in his early life. I maintain, that I can potentially be Painting's answer to Literature's Crowley, though I aim at being better at my craft than he was at his.

The 'Beyond the Veil' Blog

Ahh... first post, this is where I can cut loose and discuss grittier, intimate, magickal, self-masturbatory soliloquies. I feast from my mind, to my mind, hidden where most people prowling around on the net for anything about Luiz Teles, the Artist, probably won't have the patience to delve into.

I did say in Artist's Headcop, that I wouldn't make another blog, but here I am!

This is also a fast-food, digital magickal diary, of which should be only a shadow of a hand-written one.